Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-settings.php on line 512

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-settings.php on line 527

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-settings.php on line 534

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-settings.php on line 570

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1199

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1199

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1199

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1199

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_PageDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1244

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1391

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1391

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1391

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1391

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_CategoryDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/classes.php on line 1442

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class wpdb in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 306

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/cache.php on line 103

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Object_Cache in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/cache.php on line 431

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/query.php on line 61

Deprecated: Assigning the return value of new by reference is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/theme.php on line 1109

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Comment::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 1266

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Comment::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 1266

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Comment::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 1266

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Comment::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el(&$output) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 1266

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Dependencies in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/class.wp-dependencies.php on line 31

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Http in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/http.php on line 61

Warning: session_start(): Cannot send session cookie - headers already sent by (output started at /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-settings.php:512) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/wordpress-automatic-upgrade/wordpress-automatic-upgrade.php on line 114

Warning: session_start(): Cannot send session cache limiter - headers already sent (output started at /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-settings.php:512) in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/wordpress-automatic-upgrade/wordpress-automatic-upgrade.php on line 114

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class ftp_base in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/wordpress-automatic-upgrade/lib/ftp_class.php on line 56

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class ftp in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/wordpress-automatic-upgrade/lib/ftp_class_sockets.php on line 8

Strict Standards: Non-static method WP_Http_ExtHTTP::test() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/http.php on line 94

Strict Standards: Non-static method WP_Http_Curl::test() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/http.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method WP_Http_ExtHTTP::test() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/http.php on line 142

Strict Standards: Non-static method WP_Http_Streams::test() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/http.php on line 145
My Own Memory of My Own Future | Memory of the Future Project
Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method GA_Filter::spool_analytics() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 339

My Own Memory of My Own Future

By Sara Lovell | February 22, 2009

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method GA_Filter::the_content() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 166

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_parse_article_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 440

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_parse_article_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 440

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_parse_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 430

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_get_domain() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 410

Deprecated: Function split() is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 413

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_parse_article_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 440

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_parse_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 430

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_get_domain() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 410

Deprecated: Function split() is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 413

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_parse_article_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 440

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_parse_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 430

Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_get_domain() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 410

Deprecated: Function split() is deprecated in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 413

dreamstime_5241204

How do I forget things that happened in the past in order to remember things that are yet to come?

 

What do I know about my own future? What do I know about it that I’m forgetting?

 

 I recently started a new life. Moved to a new town, am officially in the waiting pool to adopt a child, am starting over to create new friendships, find my life partner, and be a part of a community of kind, fun, creative people. I spent eighteen months looking for a house to raise my family in. Friends told me ‘don’t settle for less than what feels right,’ and ‘you’ll know it when you feel it.’ I had another friend who won the green card lottery—an absolutely amazing feat—and when I asked her how she did it, she said she writes love letters to the things she wants to manifest. So I wrote a love letter to the house I wanted to find. “My dear beloved house…” Those words put me right inside it, I could see the light coming in the windows through old wavy glass, I could feel the warmth and comfort, like I was being held. I could hear the voices of my future family. I felt so grateful, the letter became more of a thank you letter. I read that letter often and I recorded it and would listen to it when I would take my walks. And after looking at over a dozen houses in over as many months, when I stepped through the door of this house, I knew I was home.

The day of the inspection, as I was driving toward the house and was a half block away, I felt a kind of magnetic pull from the center of my chest. Once inside, I knew finding this house marked a turning point. I knew I could only bring certain people into the house, that some ties needed to be let go of, and new ones formed. I saw images rushing past in my peripheral vision, of more people around me, more than just my partner and one child. I found myself saying the words “brood” and “clan.” I’m not planning on adopting a dozen kids or anything, but it was interesting to discover I was meant to be part of a larger household. And the living room had its own plans, for all kinds of musical, artistic, engaged community gatherings. The first day I sat out in the garden I felt the presence of my partner, I could see her out of the corner of my eye dancing in the garden.

After many months of setting up my house and studio, I finally had the time to start getting out and meeting people. I’m a bit shy and it sometimes seems like work to figure out places to go and things to do to meet like-minded folks, so I found myself getting kind of down about it, later realizing that I’d forgotten or not trusted the future that was so crystal clear when I first stepped into the house.

It’s as if I’m given these extra-sensory, holographic, Technicolor, future déjà vu experiences and I put them aside, thinking, “wow, that’s fantastic, but I just need to finish these items over here on my list—my linear, black and white list.” I don’t know whether I’m unconsciously thinking these gifts are too good to be true, or if I just don’t trust that I will know the next step to take if I move into the vision and leave that list alone for awhile. I’ve noticed I’ve done this a few times. Something will click in a way that has a kind of “zappy” or “in the zone” quality, and my awareness knows that it’s rich with information, and yet my auto-pilot, habitual self seems to keep marching forward right past it instead of stopping, slowing everything down, and tuning deeper into this opportunity. Maybe it’s the age-old fear of coming face to face with exactly what I want—the fear of actually being able to live a long held dream. And then who would I be? I certainly couldn’t keep telling the old story, or look for sympathy in the old complaints. I’d have to be filled with joy. Why would I want anything to hold me back from that?

I keep learning, little step by little step. I want to hear bells go off the next time I sense that shimmery quality about information that’s coming in, and stop what I’m doing, take out pen and paper and write down what it’s telling me.

My house has a vision for my life and for its life.  If I ask it what I need to do next to fulfill it, I get a very clear answer. It’s hard to imagine that I could forget something like this.

So I want to ask you—have you had an experience happen that had that “zappy” quality to it, like you’d stepped into a heightened experience of awareness? When has it happened? What did it feel like? Did you take the time to feel into it and find out more about what it was telling you? Did you hold on to it and dive into it later for more potent information? I’d sure love to hear about it if you have. And I’d love to hear about how you’ve learned to recognize these gifts when they show up and how you take the time to explore them. You can teach me how to develop more curiosity, and how to take the blinders off to see the wider, more glimmering path.

I remember another experience when I was house-hunting, and was in limbo between cities feeling unable to officially start my new life. I was walking down a street in Berkeley and heard the words in my head, “What if it could all happen easily and without effort?” I answered, “that would be fantastic, what would I have to do? (not that I thought I was at the Crossroads selling my soul for a guitar…) And I heard, “Let go.” At the time, it seemed to make sense to me—letting go of trying so hard to make everything happen, as if I’m all on my own, pushing the plan of my life up the hill like Sisyphus, as if there are no visible or invisible collaborating partners waiting for me to connect with them. I remember an extremely vivid image of a shimmering meadow with rays of sunlight, everything clear and sparkling. I thought I’m supposed to just step into this, right? It was so vivid I never imagined that it could become a kind of a hazy memory. And that first vision of my beloved’s presence in the garden was so clear, and there’ve been many times when I’ve forgotten—and once when I tuned in, I heard her say, “Don’t give up on me.” I’m hoping that when I learn to nurture these moments and feed them, they will grow brighter instead of fading, and they will become the paths I follow.

I bought a new, bigger journal and some colored pens. I think I’ll keep my black and white list—over there in my left brain, and start creating colorful maps—here on the right side of my brain, the side that Jill Bolte Taylor describes as the swimming in the energy of all that is side—maps that illustrate those shiny, zappy moments, and then draw the trails from those moments to see where they lead.

Every so often there’s a voice that seems come from behind my left shoulder, a voice that gives me a little hit or glimpse of what’s coming – and in that moment it’s contrary to what my less evolved self is telling me. My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to listen to that voice, the one that really truly knows more and is actually smiling when it’s telling me –and  to step through the open door into the shimmering meadow.

 

“Who are we? We are the life force power of the universe, with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds. We have the power to choose moment by moment who and how we want to be in the world.”

Jill Bolte Taylor

 

One Response to “My Own Memory of My Own Future”


  1. Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method GA_Filter::comment_author_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 166
    SG
    Says:
    May 10th, 2009 at 4:13 am
    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method GA_Filter::comment_text() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 166

    Strict Standards: Non-static method GA_Filter::ga_parse_comment_link() should not be called statically in /home/saralo5/public_html/memoryofthefutr/wp-content/plugins/google-analytics-for-wordpress/googleanalytics.php on line 446

    You have such a beautiful way with words. I love the way you write. Thank you for a great read.

Comments